Pairing: FemShep/Kaidan Alenko
Summary: This is just a drabble, really, a single thought that wouldn't let go. Mostly just about renegade Shep (mine's name is Storm, but I like writing PCs open enough for people to imagine their own).
Warnings: Sensuality (if you squint) and angst.
A/N: ZOMG, J wrote something. This is short, just really heavy on thoughts and feels. Nostalgic J is feeling nostalgic, because, wow, it's April 25th and that's a good day for it. :)
Shepard resisted the urge to shy away as Kaidan's warm fingers brushed her face, smoothing down the side of her cheek as his dark brows met over intense eyes.
"Does it hurt?" he whispered, his breath fanning her skin.
She tottered between shame and anger, a quick denial ready to pass her lips.
The marks on her face were a constant reminder of an unspeakable event. They embodied the unknown, crawling just below the surface. The dark truth was that she couldn't really know what had been done to her. She was a subversion of science, her mere existence due to a black organization that did nothing but pervert the natural order.
That moment, while she'd struggled to come to terms with what had happened, lost time and friends, for ever branded into her flesh. She'd felt alarm as the first glimpse of her appearance had revealed the cracks, standing before the small mirror over the sink in her cabin. Pain had followed, as she struggled to adjust to the unfamiliar. The face looking back at her was not her own. The scars on her upper lip and brow were gone. Her eyes looked haunted, with flecks of red about the irises. This new face was something foreign, her skin seemed stretched and damaged, reminding her of the streets on earth, weeds pushing up through the concrete, desperately trying to hide the ugly surface, the dirt, and the misery.
Nobody had ever asked her about it, outside of Dr. Chakwas's clinical comments. She'd never caught anyone looking closely at them, people she'd met for the first time didn't seem particularly startled by them. Whenever she caught flashes of herself on the vids, they hadn't seemed noticeable.
But when she looked at her reflection they were all she could see.
What had once seemed barely there had become darker, shadowing her eyes. And now and again she'd feel the bitter bite of fear at the sight of them.
She told herself she liked that they added to her fearsome appearance. But for this one man, she wanted to be beautiful.
"Sometimes," she said softly, allowing her lashes to flutter shut as he cupped her face in both hands, pulling her into his kiss.
He was all wrong for her, too good. She was unclean, he made her wish she was something more. He said he knew what she was, that he understood. Selfishly, she couldn't keep herself from him. She needed him to keep her strong, to keep from losing herself.